When I lost my grandmother in 2010, I could not comprehend what happened. As she laid in a hospital bed, I held her hand, not knowing that would be the last time I would see her. I sat in the waiting room while the rest of my family was saying their last goodbyes. I could not be in the hospital room because I do not like to see someone die. I wanted to remember her when she was alive. I put my feelings of grief into my writing. For me, writing is therapeutic.
This is a poem I wrote and shared at my grandmother's funeral.
"Sitting in a waiting room.
Trapped in a four sided space.
Waiting on the results.
Looking through a magazine.
Trying to put my mind in another place, but all I can think about is you.
As time passes by, I still remain in the waiting room.
Day turns to night.
Lights are turned off, but the lamps are still lit.
As I sit in a dark room, I look at the empty seats that are lit by the lamps.
I think of you.
I think of all the times we spent together.
All the memories we made together.
I could not imagine my life without you.
The results are back.
Tears are everywhere.
I am in shock.
I cannot believe she is gone.
This must be a dream.
This must be a dream.
How can this happen?
Get me out of this dream!
I cannot get out.
If only I could hug you again and tell you how much you mean to me.
God knew the circumstances and released you from your pain.
God has brought you home to heaven."
I believe death is not final. I know my grandmother is looking down on me from heaven. I can feel her presence everywhere I go.
Hope is having the push to live each day to its fullest. When we have hope, our life is in bloom like a flower that opens after a tough winter.
Be thankful for the memories you have with your loved ones and friends.
Life is short, so enjoy every experience you have in this life.
